A Penny for Your Thoughts?

I have no idea what you're thinking right now. Do you know why? Because I'm not telepathic. Telepathy (in any form) is a huge taboo in role playing, and it's one that I wholeheartedly agree with. It would be unfair of me, however, to say that there are no arguments for using it or that it doesn't have its occasional uses. So for better or for worse, I'm going to tell you both the good and the bad, and how to write a telepathic character.

-Bad goes first. Why? Because it's the most important. Telepathy in role play is taboo because it's too close to godmoding/metagaming/the rest of the bad words. The reason for this is that you are playing with other people. It would not be a problem at all if you were writing a novel by yourself, but you don't control all the characters here. Other people wrote them, and only they can know or say what they're thinking. Only they can decide whether or not to let you/your character know what's going on in their heads. Furthermore, I don't like it. I know, personal opinion, but I don't like it for some very good reasons.

• It's misused. You can give people all the guidelines you want. You can give them good reasons, and well thought out arguments, and anecdotes, and some of them will listen. The others will blatantly ignore you, call you "n00b", and rape your character's brain for giggles. That's the internet for you. Telepathy is one of the things that if permitted goes overboard fast. It's like tossing a loaded gun to a crowd of preteens. No matter how much you tell them to be careful, some idiot is going to pull the trigger. There are a lot of idiots on the internet.
• You can't emote it. In a forum/narrative style RP, sure, you could describe it pretty well. In a game/action-based RP, however, all that anyone is going to see or hear is what's going on in front of their faces. Anything in a character's head is not in front of their faces. You could do telepathic conversations (I'll get to that), but psychic battles, trying to break through someone's mental barriers, etc. are all off limits simply because of the play style. The most you could feasibly do is "Felodious scrunches up his face in concentration" or "Felodius looks glossy-eyed and distant in Amy's general direction." It doesn't matter what's actually going on in there. That's all that anybody near you would realistically see. There's an exception. Be patient. I'll get to it. But even with the exception, people standing around you will have no idea what's going on.
• It's a little bit too Special Snowflake. I've seen people play telepathic characters very well, with good reasons for and good reactions to the talent. They're not the ones this is directed toward. More than likely, you're playing fantasy. Magic exists.You can heal people with a thought, throw around fireballs, make pretty flowers grow on a whim, and kill dragons. Do you really need to read people's minds on top of all of that? Most people I've seen using telepathy with their characters have just been doing it to make themselves different from everybody else, without any sort of thought as to why everybody else isn't telepathic. For every character I see who is politely restraining themselves from reading everyone's thoughts, there are ten who go around flinging shadowy mind-sparrows at you just to spice things up (this has happened to me, I kid you not).

-The Good. Even I have to admit that characters with telepathic powers are occasionally fun. It isn't common, but someone who knows how to write them can write up some interesting plots or help out when no one else can. So for the sake of people who can do it successfully, here we go.

• It's handy. Say that Our Brave Hero Felodius has a telepathic friend - we'll call her Thedria - on the other side of the world. Now Thedria's pretty good at taking care of herself, but suddenly some jerks show up and kidnap her. Oh no! But what's this? She can mind-call Felodius and all will be well. Maybe the group needs to see around a corner because they don't know whether or not a troll's there. Astral projection to the rescue. It has perfectly legitimate uses, so long as nobody misuses it.
• It's a fun plot device. Imagine a psychic villain stealthily using his powers to pit Felodius and his compatriots against each other in an attempt to bring them all down. I've played that plot before. It's incredibly fun. Especially if the person playing the villain is a better writer than you (Yes, better than me. Shocking, I know).
• I really can't think of anything else. Feel free to add things in the comments.

Alright, so we've got all of that covered. I'm going to cover the how-to now, but I'm going in with this disclaimer: Only once in a blue moon is there ever a good telepathic character. Unless you absolutely know what you are doing, unless you are a very well-read and experienced writer/role player, please, oh pretty please, sweet mother of ice cream sundaes with mountains of whipped cream and cherries on top, please don't play a telepathic character. Please? For me.

Here we go.

• YOU NEED PERMISSION. Not from me, obviously; I'm probably not going to give it to you - from the people you're playing with. If you have plans to do absolutely anything at all that involves the mind of another character, then you need the permission of the person controlling that character. EVERY TIME. A simple "Hey, can I read Amy's thoughts really quick? Thedria's feeling nosey today" will probably do. You need to do this every time you want to read anyone's mind because at any time they may not want you to. That is their choice. It is their right to tell you no, and you have to respect that.
• Communicate! In order to read someone's mind, you obviously have to know what they're thinking, and because you're not in control of that other character, you have to ask the person who is to tell you discreetly and OOC.
• Remember your perspective. Everything that you're doing telepathically is only going on in your head, and the heads of people you're affecting. Remember how I mentioned in the list of bad things that it's practically impossible to emote? Well it is, to everyone not involved, by which I mean everyone not included in the mind link or what have you. Thedria very well could be having a psychic battle with her evil twin Badria, but even if Felodius is standing right next to her, he's going to see nothing but a couple of very concentrated-looking women. One of them might wince every once in a while. That's about it. Thedria and Badria, however, could be having the fight of their lives in private party chat or a whisper. Felodius will have not one fracking clue. So if you're going to have a psychic battle with other people standing around, for their sake, wince, or stumble, or something to make it interesting. Maybe say something out loud by accident. Also, please no shadowy mind sparrows.
• Concentrate. How many times did you drift off and look at something else in the middle of reading this? I'm not mad at you, I have a short attention span too. I'm not personally psychic in any form so I can't know for certain, but I think it's reasonable to assume that doing anything with telepathic skills is going to require a lot of concentration. Your character will probably have had to train themselves a little to deal with that. They may have to concentrate hard to use their powers or to consciously not use their powers, but you can bet that it will probably enter the game at some point. If they lose their concentration, things could backfire. Remember that any time they spend meditating, in a trance, trying not to implode people's brains, etc., is time that they're not spending on training with swordsmanship or beer pong (or the fantasy version of that. Mead pong?).
• Be nice. This is more OOC than anything else, because people you don't know are probably going to be iffy about you playing out a taboo, no matter how good you are. They might ask what's going on when a group of you are huddled around in a park emoting blank stares. They may even insult you. Don't snap at them. Just explain that this is what you and your friends have decided to do right now, all of you have consented to it, and they don't have to participate if they don't want to. And if that doesn't work, there's generally an ignore feature. ;)

I think you're prepared now. You know the basics, at least. You know why it's considered something that people generally shouldn't do. And so I am asking you please, if you have any measure of restraint at all, pretty please, oh please, oh please, refrain from playing a telepathic character simply for the sake of playing a telepathic character. Play one because you're a good writer and the character makes sense. Play one because it's an insidious villain. Play it because your usual group gave you the go-ahead. Don't play it to put words in people's mouths.

A Character's Best Friend

I once had an elf character with a pet transparent snow leopard. In my favorite book series, there is a race of people who mentally bond with falcons. In some other favorites, there is a family with children who can see through the eyes of their pet wolves. I am endlessly amused that there is a RPG that allows druids to have pet velociraptors (seriously, it's right in the core handbook). In just about every fantasy setting, your best mode of transportation is a horse.

Pets are fun. They can be cute and cuddly or fierce companions in battle, mundane or exotic, realistic or fictitious, and they can all add a little something extra to your role play. But how do you play one? As far as emotes go, just be creative. I know that most games don't let you just plug names in there, but generally I go with "/e watches in awe as Betty, his faithful pet rhinoceros, sniffs a rose bush", but "/e 's pet rhinoceros Betty picks up a snake that was hiding under the rose bush with her mouth" or "/e | Betty the rhinoceros plays with the snake like a cat would play with ribbon" would also work.

Alright, so you know how to say what your pet is doing, but what is your pet doing? What is it interacting with, what's its personality, does it have a favorite teddy bear? But that would be putting words in your mouth. That doesn't teach you anything. Your pet can do whatever the heck you want it to do. I could have our brave hero Felodius ride into battle on Betty the Trusty War Rhino whenever I damn well please, but that doesn't make it believable. No, to play a realistic pet all you have to do is think about a few things.

• Food: Pets eat things. Which things depends on your pet. Obvious, right? Well, most of the time. If you have some odd pet like a pygmy mouse-lion you might have to look that up. Regardless of what it is, if you're traveling with said animal you had better carry food for them or they're going to starve. Pets un-eat things too, by which I mean both ends. Who takes care of that? Your character, a stable hand, a lowly servant? You don't have to overtly mention that in your RP (please don't), but if you happen to have a cat and you're describing your house, a litter box will probably be there.
• Stuff: Anyone who owns a pet knows what I mean. You don't just own a cat, you own a litter box, kitty toys, kevlar gloves for bathing it, a little bed, a light saber, and maybe a brush. Pets will also affect your character's stuff. Cats and dogs destroy your furniture, birds crap on everything, snakes like to hide under your couch pillow when you least expect it, Betty...does whatever rhinos do. I don't know anything about rhinos. You will also have stuff from your pets lying all over the place. Fur, feathers, headless mice, etc.. I can tell you first hand how difficult it is to keep fur off your clothing. If your character has a furry pet, his friends will know.
• Maintenance: Your pet will occasionally need to be washed, it might need a healer of some sort to attend to any injuries or illnesses, and it will certainly need to be snuggled and loved every now and then. Different pets require different amounts of maintenance, but they all need some. Horses need their hooves cleaned sometimes, and they also new horseshoes every now and then. If you don't want your expensive pet parrot to fly off, you'll need to have its feathers clipped. If these things don't happen, mayhem can ensue. The mayhem could make for an interesting thing to throw into a conversation ("Man, the stable boy forgot to polish Betty's horn again this week, and she is pissed.") or you could just leave the maintenance implied, but I'm offering this for possibilities. You can decide what to do with them.
• Training: If you want your pet to do any sort of trick, it will need to be trained. For many breeds of dogs, the first trick they learn is not to bite people and they learn it only if you let them be smothered by people (with love, not pillows) while they're puppies. I can only imagine that this is true with other animals, especially if they tend to be aggressive. Horses have to be trained for riding, and they definitely have to be trained not to panic when you ride them into battle. If you want any animal to come here, sit, stay, heel, not pee on your leg, or chew on your neighbor, you have to teach it to do these things.

There are many more things you could take into consideration, but those are the basics. Honestly, they will probably only exist as background, but they should give you a basis for actions and interactions your pets will have. Maybe you've got this awesome mastiff but it was never introduced to people as a puppy so you're in a constant struggle to keep it from eating your leg. Maybe you're sick of having horse tack everywhere and you're trying to save up money for a decent stable. Maybe your war rhino is trying to headbutt the walls of your house. Or maybe you have a loyal and trusting pet owl who kindly rips out the eyes of your enemies. Whatever you choose, I deem thee now prepared.

P.S. The wikipedia article on rhinos has a picture of a sculpture of one with a saddle on its back. Do people actually ride these things?

Break a Leg

I was just eating some gummy bears and bit my tongue. And you know what? It hurt. Now imagine a wolf biting your arm. That would hurt quite a bit, yeah? So why didn't your character say anything about it? The vast majority of living critters have functioning nervous systems. These things sense pain, which turns out to be a good thing. Pain tells you when things are wrong. It's the difference between "Huh, something's tugging on my arm," and "Holy deity! Bleeping cursewords! WOLF!"

See what happened there?

When people are in that much pain, they're kinda vocal about it. They scream, and shout, and invent all sorts of fun new uses for curse words. This lets other people know that something's up (your life span, for instance).

I fully understand that it's a pain to type while in combat. It's much more prudent to type in 55832 (your personal favorite rotation for "slash slash maim kill eviscerate") than "Woe is me! Oh holy Shandrook, who art the patron deity of the rare but lovely yellow-bellied pansy, why is there a dragon chewing on my face?!" Mostly because if there were a dragon chewing on your face, you'd die while typing that. But how hard would it be to make a couple macros to the tune of "AARGH!" "Ouch!" "#$%#ing dragon!" and just hit the buttons when your health gets low?

"But Kittious! Nobody does that!"

Well no, they don't. That's the point. We send our heroes out fighting all day, realistically accumulating a large number of wounds, and they say not a word. For a group of people who like to point out when things don't make sense, this is a weak point.

"But Kittious! We have healers!"

I hope they're very attentive healers, because if they're not watching your every move and you don't indicate that you've been hurt, they're not going to know about it. Furthermore, have you ever had to recover from a serious wound? Something like surgery or broken bones? Prolonged recovery hurts like crazy. Imagine how it feels to cram all of that into a few seconds of a healing spell.

"Ouch."

There ya go. Now get back out on that battlefield and make the other guys put this to use. ;)